Tomorrow I'm going home for the weekend. It's my grandparents' 50th anniversary. Hooray for home. And hooray for the Fourth of July that gives me enough time to go home. In this preposterous real world, I don't get summer break, or winter break, or spring break, or even a dinky little fall break like Wash U has, or even vacation days until after six months.

Now I would like to talk about iced tea. I seem to remember writing something about iced tea before. I don't why it keeps coming up. The thing is, I like iced tea, but Wisconsin doesn't seem to. My theory is that iced tea is a tradition that comes from the southern region of the country, and that Indiana is close enough to have absorbed some of this tradition, but Wisconsin is just too far up there. At several restaurants, I have asked for iced tea and been served something out of a soda fountain (this is bad) or some fruity flavored thing (this is a different type of beverage). Then yesterday I tried to buy some iced tea mix from the grocery store. After walking up and down the aisles until I thought I was crazy, I located one of those directories that says which aisle everything is located in. It said the iced tea was located in the "Central Market" - the store's name for the produce and deli section. Explanation, anyone? So I went and found the tea and went to get the decaf kind like I usually get, because I wouldn't want the caffeine from iced tea to stunt my growth. I was expecting a growth spurt any day now, but now all that's ruined. The grocery store doesn't carry decaf iced tea. And so the moral of the story is that Wisconsin hates iced tea.

I'm pretty sure I have more interesting things to talk about than an extended discussion of iced tea. I don't why, but it seems like it would take so much effort to explain things to people who aren't here. In reality, I'm pretty sure my life is quite boring and normal, but it still seems so very mystifying to me. I've been here a month, and that's just mind boggling. I'll let you know if I get over this.

But right now I'm going to see what happens to the blank space at the top of the blog.
- posted by Darcey @ 9:12 PM

 
Does everyone else see a large blank space? I typed stuff below it.
- posted by Darcey @ 7:02 PM

 
It occurs to me that I have said very little here about what I now do all day. It also occurs to me that what I do all day is not terribly interesting. It starts when I go to the mall every morning at 8:30. The mall is where my training is. The main building of Epic is a pretty cool place, but it does not fit most of Epic's employees. (There are 137 of us new hires this month, and possibly even more starting in next month's class.) While a pretty new campus is being built out in the country, Epic has spread out wherever they will fit, including the unfortunate Westgate Mall, which seems like it might have been a real mall at some point in time, but no longer. A Radio Shack and a TJ Maxx are the highlights of its mall-type offerings. The rest consists of Epic offices, a ballet studio, and several hair salons. So anyway, I go there every day and pay close attention to some lectures (or at least try very hard to), and then I go to a computer and do programming exercises. And this lasts for many hours.

Outside of Epic, the world has gone mad. I've been to a bar on a school night and stayed out past my bedtime. Even more disturbing, I've been on a date. Like with a boy. If you wanted to hear something really crazy, I'd tell you about the other guy that asked me out. But that was just a guy at the fitness center in my apartment, and I didn't know anything about him, like how old he was, so that was just weird. But still, there are so many boys! Boys have cooties. I really need to get to know some girls so we can get together and gossip about boys and their cooties. I am, after all, such a gossip.

In other news, tonight is much more normal. I am home by myself ordering pizza. In other news, the Papa John's across the street does not seem to accept credit cards. Don't they know that this is half the point of being able to order online? In other news, my elbow itches. In other news, money doesn't grow on trees. It comes in a check, but only once a month. This will all be well and good as long as the first check on July 1 goes into the bank before the July 1 rent comes out of it.
- posted by Darcey @ 6:04 PM

 
I am deeply saddened. It seems that I may have to part with my television, which I love dearly. The Zenith System 3 Space Command is a fantastic specimen of all the cutting edge technology that 1986 had to offer. Throughout my childhood, it repeatedly outlasted younger and more agile products. But now it may succumb to the evils of the recording industry. You see, the Zenith System 3 Space Command has only one input plug. In the past, this has been fine and dandy, because the VCR could be plugged into the TV, and everything else could be plugged into the VCR. But now I have a new DVD player, and this DVD player cannot be plugged into the VCR because it has a "copy protection" system that distorts the image. (Because, when you are worried about piracy, the best way to get people to buy more of your product is to assume that all of your customers are criminals and then make your product less functional because of it. If there's anything I learned in business school, that's it.) RadioShack has something that will fix this problem, but it costs $40, and that's only to plug the DVD player in. I would need something else to keep the VCR and cable plugged in at the same time. And I just don't know if I can justify investing $40 in my beloved Space Command. Plus, there is the little issue of channels 5 and 6, which have gone from moderately dysfunctional to completely unoperational. So I'm preparing myself for the possibility of a new television, but I just don't know if I can handle any more changes right now.
- posted by Darcey @ 8:43 PM

 
So much is different. As of yet, I really can't wrap my mind around it all, and so I can't explain it any sort of coherent form for you. All I've been doing for four days is going to orientation classes, but I am most thoroughly disoriented. There are so few hours in the day. And so much paperwork. And so many errands and chores I could be doing. But all I want to do is sleep. At 9:00. Who designed the real world? Grownups are crazy.

So I must leave you with what I learned Monday in the first few minutes of Epic's attempts to orient me (seeing as that's the last thing I can remember clearly):

Dress code: When there are visitors in the building, you must wear clothes.

The third Monday of the month is the all staff meeting. No visitors are allowed in the building.
- posted by Darcey @ 9:18 PM

 

Adventures and Mishaps in Moving
An extremely lengthy recap of the past several days

1. But first - Friends, family, telemarketers, I present to you my new contact info:

6814 East Pass #105
Madison, WI 53719
(608) 215-3361

2. I am now the owner of a new Nissan Sentra.

Buying a car was an interesting process, especially given the time constraints. First, there was my father’s sudden need to go to Niagara Falls for the purpose of wandering around Canadian factories, which limited our car-buying schedule to one afternoon. This schedule was further complicated when Ed Martin of Ed Martin Nissan up and died, and the dealership decided it needed to close on my car-buying afternoon just so they could have a funeral. Honestly, when quasi-prominent local businessmen can’t arrange their funerals around one girl’s car-buying schedule, I don’t know what the world is coming to. Tom Wood was open, though. That’ll teach you, Ed.

3. The next step in the moving process was getting to Wisconsin with my pretty new car. This proved to be a not entirely pleasant experience. I do not believe my car and I were well-acquainted enough to make a long, very windy drive alone together. It’s been a while since I’ve driven such a small car, and I feel very protective of it. I’m pretty sure all the other cars are out to get it. If I’d had my way, I would have ordered the safety package on the car, with the side airbags and the antilock brakes. However, these are not the options you will find on actual cars on the actual lots. I’ve looked into this, and it seems to be quite widespread. What the average American consumer wants in a cheap compact sedan is not safety, but a 6-CD changer. That’s right, I have a 6-CD changer in my car. Car thieves, see the address above.

4. Then we got to my apartment, and it was time to pick up my keys. Or at least it was time to pick up my keys according to the appointment I had set up well in advance. The office, however, had never heard of me. After some waiting around, I did manage to get into the apartment. What I am not getting is new carpet, which apparently was scheduled to be installed two days ago, when the office, having never heard of me, believed the apartment would still be empty. The office also tried to mess up my carefully arranged cable installation appointment, by not being open to give the cable guy a key to something or other. The lady in the office claimed she was going on a trip to Mexico and needed to leave, but we made her give up the key first. We got her priorities straightened out. Not like that Ed Martin. So other than some stains on the bedroom floor, everything worked out fine. The apartment is so cute!

5. Then it was time to buy things to put in the apartment. By now I’ve had enough shopping for quite a while, but I seem to keep needing more things. The most fun was buying a desk. After much searching for the right size, shape, and color, I finally found one at, of all places, Target, along with a matching bookcase. We had some employees help us load the items, and off we went. Then we got home and realized that we had not in fact brought home the desk, but instead had something called a console table. We tried to take it back and get the desk, but the desk was gone. So we called over to the other Target. You see, Madison has two of everything. One Target on the west side, one Target on the east side. One mall on the west side, one mall on the east side. One DMV on the west side, one DMV on the east side. (I, DMW, am on the west side. Does this mean there is another me on the east side?) But the other Target didn’t have the desk either. So the next day we broadened our search. We discovered the next closest Target was in Janesville, forty minutes away, and they did in fact have the desk. And so we set out for Janesville to the southeast, but through my excellent map-reading skills, we instead ended up to the southwest in the Swiss Historic Village in New Glarus, Wisconsin, where we bought ice cream and a photograph of a cow. Then we went to Janesville, and bought the desk, and everyone lived happily ever after. The apartment is now well on its way to looking lived in.

6. Next it was time for all the paperwork associated with moving. I got a new bank and a new video store (A place that is not Blockbuster is right around the corner, and they gave me two movies including a new release for $1!) and a card for the Pick ‘n Save supermarket across the street. I got a new cell phone. Apparently, my old carrier T-mobile does not exist in Madison. No more Catherine Zeta Jones for me. Also, no more reasonable sized cell phone plan for me. All cell phone carriers seem to be getting rid of their small plans, because, you know, they can. So now I’m with Verizon, paying $10 extra a month for 150 extra minutes that I need less than ever, since Verizon makes me in network with my family, who are the only ones I ever talk to for extended periods of time. After the phone, my next stop was to try to get a new driver’s license. However, according to Wisconsin, I do not yet live in Wisconsin. I have no proof of residency. In the world of common sense, an apartment lease, by definition, proves that one has a residency at a given location. In fact, if anyone could explain to me what could possibly be better proof of residency than a lease, please do. But in the world where the DMW lives, a lease is not good enough. A random person claiming to be my Wisconsin-abiding relative would be enough, but not a lease. So if Wisconsin does not want me to have a driver’s license, that’s Wisconsin’s problem. But Wisconsin better not require a second picture ID with my out-of-state license before they let me buy alcohol like Schnucks does.

7. So then yesterday we were tired of shopping and doing moving things. It was my mother’s last day in town. So we went out driving and ended up at the Wisconsin Dells and then ended up in a casino. It was my first time. I won $60 pushing buttons on a game I didn’t understand. On the game, $60 translates into 3000 points, so I briefly thought I had won thousands of dollars. This frightened me more than it excited me, since I felt the hard-core gambling addicts around me, the ones who actually understood the game, deserved the big money. But $60 was a fun amount to win. I got a big bucket full of coins.

Well, it’s been a very eventful week, but I’m tired of typing, and I doubt anyone is still reading, so I think I’ll stop there.

- posted by Darcey @ 3:18 PM