So, to update you on the previous post, my mom came to visit me and bought me the new toy I wanted, because, as also mentioned on the previous post, I am a spoiled brat. My new toy is small and fun, though just now it was causing me the tiniest bit of frustration. My toy did not come with a power adapter, so to recharge it, I must plug it in to that other favorite toy of mine, the computer. But just now, the computer was refusing to detect that the device was connected. The tiny bit of frustration that this caused me might have also caused me to inflict a tiny amount of violence on the mouse, a poor, innocent bystander. Due to what I'm sure is pure coincidence, the mouse is not functioning at the moment. But I'm sure it can't be said that there is anything the slightest bit unhealthy about my behavior toward said mouse. The computer has given me much better reasons for murderous rage, and I've never broken the mouse before. So anyway, a few minutes later, my toy decided at random to begin recharging, so I'm sure all will be well once the mouse has had a few moments to recover.

Other items were also obtained as a result of my mother's visit, including skin care products from an infomercial. And that's really all I've wanted all along. Because of course these products will succeed where the 23 other products my mother has purchased have failed. These are different - they were advertised on TV!

Also, I have new exercise shorts that I can use when taking my new toy for walks. As evidenced by the fact that I didn't already own multiple pairs of exercise-appropriate shorts, I wasn't in need of anything fancy. I thought pockets would be convenient, but apparently pockets on women's shorts are considered fancy and raise the price to unnecessary levels. So I was lucky to find a pair on the clearance rack that had pockets. However, they were on the clearance rack, so they are also bright blue, long, baggy, and bit too large. If you ever want to find when I'm for a walk, I should be quite easy to spot.

This weekend I have made fewer purchases. I have, however, been to the Madison zoo. It was... well, it was nice that a small city like Madison has a zoo. And now I'm tired of typing, so I have to find something else to do on the computer, because otherwise of course it would shut down and stop recharging. But I love my computer and plan to treat it with utmost respect throughout the recharging process.
- posted by Darcey @ 11:54 AM

 
To whom it may concern:

I would like to state for the record that I have never bad-mouthed Joe on the Internet. However, also for the record, I would like to offer a sample of what other people on the Internet are saying about him, according to googlism.com:

-Joe is the devil
-Joe is a ho
-Joe is old
-Joe is fat
-Joe is very sick
-Joe is stupid
-Joe is damned
-Joe is easy to dupe
-Joe is having trouble feeling cool these days
-Joe is a bastard
-Joe is not an expert in voodoo
-Joe is sooooo lazy
-Joe is closed for maintenance
-Joe is a bloodthirsty cannibal

So that's what other people are saying, and who am I to judge them?

To everyone else:

I want a new toy. Namely, the Zen Micro MP3 player, shown here in what should be an unusually large photo image:

Now, I know I have plenty of other new toys. But, the thing is, I'm a spoiled brat. And cubicles are so very quiet and depressing. And everybody else has one. Wait, no, that's not true. Everyone else has an iPod. They've never seen the large object above. But that's because everyone else's computer is compatible with an iPod. So I need to snatch this one up before it comes to it senses like all the other MP3 players and runs away from my computer screaming.

But I just got my first paycheck, and I'm trying to figure out how to budget my money responsibly and start saving and being grown up and so forth. If I can't get through one month without wanting $200 toys, I'm not going to get far. And I have other toys I need soon too, like the new Harry Potter book. And the Harry Potter book is a much smaller toy, at least in terms of its cost (though, contrary to the picture, not in terms of its weight). My life is full of such difficult problems.
- posted by Darcey @ 8:46 PM

 
Dear weekly news magazines,

In the future, when I order a new subscription, could the first issue you send me not be a special edition about a terrorist attack? I mean, the first time it was just kind of ironic. There I'd been, at college about a week, thinking "Gee, here at this college place you don't have any contact with the outside world. I should get some news from somewhere." Then by the time the magazine came, it was more like "Well, I already know about that. Do I really need to look at those pictures again?"

But the second time, now that just makes you feel bad, like innocent people have to die every time you want something new to read at breakfast. Is that what the terrorists want? Really, there are much less violent ways of telling me not to read at the table.
- posted by Darcey @ 7:15 PM

 
1. Look, I fixed the blank space! (Using my crazy new professional computer geek skills. Also the Blogger help page.)

2. An update on deep theological matters of great import:

A while back, during my thorough online investigation of Madison, I posted the names of several churches I thought I'd like to visit. Well, I'm not going to most of those churches any time soon. It seems that most of them are in favor of special summer schedules, where they only have one service, usually at 9 am. What makes everybody here in this real world think they're so important that I should get out of bed for them? Do these churches understand what time I have to get up five other days of the week?

But some churches do have actual late services. The first one I went to, with my grandparents during my first week here, was the only Missouri Synod church in the nearby area. If you're really interested in hard-core Lutheranism, Wisconsin does have its very own super-secret, exclusive synod, but, for the most part in the city of Madison, all things conservative are avoided at all costs. Even the Missouri Synod parking lot was filled with several John Kerry bumper stickers.

Anyway, my experience at this church was less than pleasant, due in large part to the fact that the first thing I did upon arriving was vomit. It seems I have developed a condition where moving causes me to vomit. Just so you know.

So I moved on to the ELCA churches. The first one embodied most of the things I dislike about "contemporary" services, which is what most of the summertime late services claim to be. Now, I have no problem throwing in a song or two of the sort that these services seem so fond of. The problem in my experience is that, in a contemporary service, the whole thing seems to revolve around this music and the sad excuse for a band that plays the music, generally consisting of several middle-aged men playing guitar alongside a collection of other instruments that do not belong together.

Another problem I have found at every church I have visited, even these so-called contemporary ones, is that they don't seem to have attracted many new members over the past fifty years or so. I'm pretty sure most of the members must have grandchildren, but those grandchildren sure don't come with them.

The church I went to today was my least favorite of all. The service really was led by the band and the power point slides of their lyrics. There was no printed liturgy or hymnal or much of any reason for paper at all. And then there was communion, which was by far the most curious of all the methods I have observed over the past few weeks. The ushers stood in the aisle with a tray full of empty individual cups. Each person took one up and held it at the altar, where the pastor brought around the common cup and poured a little sip into everybody's little cup. Why? The pastor is not a waiter. Can't the wine be put into whatever vessel it is going to be served in ahead of time? So I stayed in my seat like a good little Missouri Synod girl and shunned this heathen, liberal practice (mostly out of fear of doing it wrong and ending up with Jesus dripping down my skirt).

So now I've been to all the Lutheran churches with a reasonable service time within a reasonable radius of my home , and I have not found one that I am particularly satisified with. I think I may try the first one again, to see what I think of it while in a healthier state of mind. Or I suppose there are other types of churches. Or I can just pick one for the summer, and wait for everybody else to get back to more sane schedules.

- posted by Darcey @ 9:39 PM

 
I went home this weekend. That's the longest trip I've ever taken by myself. The only slight problem was that my phone became possessed by the Joker. I am most disappointed in Batman's failure to rescue me. Now I have to go all the way to the east side to get a new phone. Who knows what other comic book villains await me in that mysterious, far off land?

And that's all, because I'm sleepy and because I don't think anyone will know this is here if it doesn't start showing up at the top of the screen.
- posted by Darcey @ 7:26 PM