Today's Housewife Lesson: Taking out the Garbage

So we moved in and the landlord said trash pickup was Friday. In other parts of the world, there are special rules: in Madison, they give you a special container. Apparently, in Joe's neck of the woods, they give you stickers. We found no such regulations here. Sounded simple enough.

First week: we weren't really organized enough to take out the trash. There was trash spread all over the house, but not in a bag or container type thing. The trash stayed one week.

Second week: I searched far and wide, in both Target and the dreaded Walmart (I swear, I was only there to go to the pharmacy, but they sent me to Pennsylvania, but that's a different story). Up and down the aisles, weaving in and out of the screaming children and the barely moving little old ladies, I searched. I searched high and I searched low. And then, finally, just before I was set to abandon my quest, I found it: the holy grail of waste management, an outdoor trash can. Amid aisles of indoor waste containers, there was but one for outdoor garbage can. And so, silly me, I bought it. I worried it wouldn't fit in my little car, but after a failed attempt in the trunk and few adjustments, it fell into the back seat and we went home.

Thursday night came around, and it started raining. So we left my beautiful garbage can in the garage for the night. We figured Joe could take it out when he left at 7:30. Surely, the garbage man wouldn't be up yet, right? Because we were pressed for time, the recycling stayed inside. But of course, when Joe left and looked up and down the street, who had already been by? The garbage man we had left our fine garbage can for. And who did I notice show up a few hours later? The recycling man we ignored. The trash stayed two weeks.

Third week: Well, we've learned all the lessons we need to know. I have a trash can and we should put it out Thursday night. So we do, and Joe gets up on Friday morning and goes outside, and goes to look for the trash, and guess what: it's gone! So everything is good now, right? Wrong! Our beloved garbage can has been stickered: the waste management department says it's too large. Apparently, they could have refused to take our refuse. Luckily, they didn't this week. But next week, who knows? Will I ever learn the proper garbage protocol? How will I learn what size container is allowed? How will I find such a container?

(As a side note, recycling seems to have been successful. I have even learned to not include the cans. You see, in New York, you have to take these back to the grocery store so you can get back the extra money the state took from you for your cans. You have to be careful where you step in New York - it is full of strange and unusual laws. And that is why you go to pharmacies in Pennsylvania.)
- posted by Darcey @ 8:32 AM

 
Interesting things you get to do when you're unemployed and pretending to be a housewife:

1. Be at home to answer the door when crazy old ladies show up and want to explain how Jesus wants us to overthrow the government.

2. Go shopping and to the "beauty parlor" at times of day when only little old ladies are out and about and not at work. (Of course, I'm still not convinced that anyone other than little old ladies lives here to begin with.)

3. Read Harry Potter at your leisure.

4. Make dessert.

5. Iron. Wait, no, that's not interesting. Unusual, but not interesting.

6. Put away boxes that would have otherwise stayed packed for several months.

7. Buy new fishes.

8. Play on the Internet like you haven't had a chance to since leaving the warm fuzzy blanket of college.

9. Teach yourself German. Or at least try to remember the German that was already taught to you.

10. Figure out how to sew things, like curtains that are too long and covering the heater. (Or at least have every intention of figuring this out, as soon as you are not occupied by other things, like playing on the Internet.)

11. Paint your nails.

12. Try to figure out how to de-infest your new home of carpenter ants that live in the laundry hamper and boy socks that live every but the laundry hamper.

13. Learn the daytime TV schedule for a chance to watch bad sitcoms that haven't been seen in years. Also giggle everyday when the two shows "How It's Made:" and "Babies" show up next to each other in the TV guide.

14. Fill out online job applications and then say not-very-nice words to yourself when each and every new application finds a new and unusual way to annoy you.

I'm pretty sure there are other things, but I am lazy and unemployed and don't feel like thinking them up right now.
- posted by Darcey @ 10:30 AM

 
Greetings, blog. I apologize sincerely for our time apart and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. My excuse is that I have been working. Yes, for two years. Working is boring, and takes up all of my time without giving me any interesting stories about all of that time.

But not anymore!

Now I am moving to New York! No, settle down, not THAT New York. I mean the state, to a town called Endwell/Endicott/Bingbong. What am I doing here, you ask? I have absolutely no idea. But Joe has a job.

Things about moving that are more interesting than working:
1. At work, you are assigned to the Medication Orders Pod where you discuss QA Notes about non-JCAHO approved abbreviations. This is not interesting. When moving, you get a POD delivered to your home via a machine called a Podzilla. This is very cool. But then you have to carry all of your possessions into, and later back out of, the POD, and, per Regulation #1 from the Official Regulatory Committee to Make Moving Miserable, this must occur on the hottest days of the year. This is not fun.
2. You get to look at new places to live.
3. You get to find a new place to live, and that new place happens to be a duplex, which is one step closer to a real house, especially when the other half is empty. You get a fresh try at signing a lease, and THIS time you can be smart and learn that you always, always, ALWAYS need to make sure to have a buyout-clause in your lease so that you are not expected to pay 11 months of a lease renewal that you found out you wouldn't need before it even started.
4. After you find a place to live, but before your POD has arrived, you get to relax and not work. You can go to the zoo and watch elephants do tricks and almost get eaten by a tiger. But my favorite exhibit was the cage where they keep the Little Leaguers.
5. You get to be an almost-adult by doing things like ALMOST buying your own washer and dryer. (Almost buying a washer and dryer occurs when you give a company your credit card number in return for the delivery of a washer and dryer on Wednesday morning. However, on Wednesday morning, no washer and dryer show up. The only person that shows up is somebody who wants to accuse you of stealing cable last week, before you moved in. The phantom washer and dryer appear to have vanished into some Bermuda Triangle-like space that apparently exists between the store and your new home. This must be what happened, since the people on the phone assure you that said washer and dryer are on a truck coming your way. It clearly has nothing to do with them cancelling your entire delivery like a big bunch of idiots just because you tried to exchange your dryer cord. Interesting fact: dryer cords come in 2 varieties: 3 prong and 4 prong. You should know this before buying a dryer, if you ever want to see this dryer.) Also, you get to do things like living in the aforementioned ALMOST house, which has things like your own garage and your own mailbox with no "#" sign in your address. Plus you get to find cool roads with names like "Farm to Market".
6. You have time to do things like write in a blog for the first time in 2 years. Except you are out of blog-writing shape and can't quite fit all of your interesting facts into one post.
- posted by Darcey @ 9:03 PM